Ruthless officiancy

Some time last week, in a moment of rare downtime at work, I decided to check the Barter section of Craigslist. I've always found it fascinating, but I don't own anything of value that I don't want, and I don't know how to refinish hardwood floors or perform deep tissue massage, so there's pretty much never a single ad to which I can profitably respond.

On this occasion, literally the first listing said "Marry us for ?"

That, I can do. Hennepin County, to say nothing of Stu and Jill will back me up on this point. I responded immediately, telling the poster that I would happily officiate the proceedings for free, but that if they felt like buying me a bottle of Bourbon for my troubles, they were certainly more than welcome to do so.

I told them I could provide both witnesses and amateur photography if requested, and we arranged Monday at Jimmy's. Jimmy's might seem an odd choice, but as it turned out, I could not have randomly chosen a better dive bar. When I arrived, the happy couple, the Nadeaus, tapped as witnesses for hire, and Harris, camera in hand, were already at the bar. Harris slid me a note from the bartender saying that one of the CDs in the jukebox included wedding music. I excused myself to the restroom, straightened my tie and cued up a couple of lead songs before selecting the bridal chorus from Lohengrin.

This is what it looks like when people get married at Jimmy's.



Not expressly pictured is a lot of nervous laughter from both bride and groom, presumably some combination of the apparent seriousness of the event and the vague absurdity of the specific circumstances.

A nice older gentleman at the other end of the bar sent over a couple single-serve bottles of champagne, served unexpectedly in correct stemware. Well done, Jimmy's; I didn't think you had it in you.



The champagne did its job in quelling the nervous laughter considerably and the newly enjoined and my ad hoc wedding party enjoyed a lengthy evening of drinks and lively banter. I'll be honest: I've been to better wedding receptions than that one, but I've also definitely been to worse. Noah, while invited, mostly for his reliable tendency to wear a tie to such events, begged off on the grounds that his job requires him to go to bed at 6:30pm and that there was no cake. Both valid concerns, I suppose.

Swell kids, the new Mr. and Mrs., incidentally. New Facebook and Live Journal friends at minimum. I'll be seeing them relatively soon, at least, since I evidently left my hat at their apartment after the bride invited us to the after-reception. I probably should have gotten more sleep on a work night, but what kind of heel refuses a bride's invitation on her wedding day?

Seriously, though. Persons of quality; you should meet them. I'll invite them to The Barbecue (more on that soon, incidentally.)